Before I developed my self esteem I used to assert my sexual independence through being promiscuous. The idea was that I am being a feminist and doing it for the women who feel obligated to deny themselves the pleasure of sex. It made sense to me. It really did. It made sense for all the boys to like me. If all the boys liked me it made them weaker than me, it made me powerful.
Oh, how hurt I was when I realized that the whole time I was making it easier for all the boys to use me. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard; they drink it, and then they want yours. I’m left with no milkshake and an empty yard. You’d expect that I ceased to invite the boys over following that realization, but I didn’t. I had to switch it up, to change tactics. To feed the boys something else, because, this milkshake was not working like it should.
“Become a feminist” said the little voice in my head.
“Ao, feminist ke eng jaanong?* How can I hate the boys if I want them to drink my milkshake?” I replied to myself
“You can hate them, hurt them and sleep with them all at the same time.”
And so began my Feminist cause. To assist karma in her mission to hurt the boys. Because boys are bad. Boys are selfish. Boys do not deserve to be happy. It belongs o the ladies.
“Viva GirlPower!” shouted that stupid little voice
So, for four years I have taken to breaking hearts and giving away a piece of myself each time, to remind them of how sweet it felt while they were dying inside. But that’s not the point. The point here is, Feminism isn’t about that. I had this idea, which made absolutely no sense to me. No sense at all.
“What’s the point of feminism if it’s not hurting the boys? How are we making the world better for the ladies if we are not destroying the boys?” -little voice
“I don’t know, we should figure that out.” I replied
Here I am, all that I have realized is that I’m supposed to empower myself, that is the aim. I will not empower myself if I’m being distracted by my efforts to destroy the boys, it really won’t work that way..