The last article I wrote Why I Am Not Good Enough as a Being was supposed to be the first in a series of “Self Hatred” themed blog posts. I have decided against proceeding with the series because I’m not qualified AT ALL to write on the subject.
Sure, I hate myself sometimes e.g. when I neglect to take my regular dose of awesome. Also because I have a slight inferiority complex and a somewhat low self-esteem. It doesn’t help to know that life for me will be a bit challenging because I AM a Woman; I AM Black; and I AM African. This so-called “Self Hatred” also comes from the fact that I’ve read many stories of people who’ve been unfairly treated and cheated out of great opportunities for the sole (or triple) reason(s) that they are just like me: Woman, Black and African.
Because of that, I felt that I deserve to dislike what and/or who I AM. After all, it has put those just like me at a disadvantage. I worry for my own future. I’ve wasted many hours pondering various scenarios such as: conversations with employers who deny me a promotion because I have fallen pregnant; co-workers who report me for slacking because I miss work days due to severe period pains; and sometimes, more often, a family-in-law which refuses to accept me because I refuse to change my surname (which is (soon to be) inherited from my mother).
I have decided that in order to appropriately express my views on self hatred, I should first do a lot of reading, because it’s no use trying to spread a message which I cannot properly articulate.