So I have this problem, right?

This has been a great year for me, btw.

I’ve decided to take the #KillAllMen approach of feminism, which I will explain to you in the future. But first I should tell you about this problem I have which led me to join the #KillAllMen battalion of the feminist army.

I have learned that all oppressors and people in privileged positions know exactly what is going on, and therefore I need not waste my energy educating anyone about their oppressive ways, nor about the advantages they enjoy at the expense of everyone else. THEY KNOWWWW BETTER. This started when racism became a thing to me (Only after I moved to South Africa  did I see white people treating indigenous citizens as though the latter’s presence in their own home is a disturbance to the former’s life..) Anyway, I surfed twittersphere to get a feel of racism from people who’ve been living consciously with it much longer than I have. 

Silent tweeting, twatching, scrolling and getting lost in this world I saw some very interesting people and I found exactly what i was looking for – critical discussions about race, call out culture on fleek and Black Twitter getting racists fired from their jobs. So many insights and leads for me to follow to find great writings on the race situation in the world. It was great. When I was satisfied, I had to find out how these spaces behaved around feminist conversation. 

Okay, so the problems now. Confusion. Self doubt. WTF-ness all around.

When I saw these women’s liberation conversations happen, I noticed something strange. That the same people who don’t want to be racisted want to sexist women.

Hau? Guys?

Weren’t we fighting for everyone to be free?

When did it become a fight for your freedom alone? 

I was doubting myself. Is feminism really a thing that is necessary? Maybe they’re right, I’m trying to break up the black family so that I run away with a white man and enjoy the economic benefits he reaps from [my] black man’s sweat. Maybe feministing is just another tool of white racism to divide and conquer the black community. Maybe feministing is just another route away from my culture, the way things should be. I’m running farther and farther away from my roots. Maybe through feministing I have lost my way… 

That is how the black man made me feel about wanting to be released from under his foot – that I was betraying my blackness. That was my problem.

HELLO JUNE

What have I done since the year began?

1. I promised myself that I would read at least 3 books a month. I have read only one book this year- I am ashamed of myself.

I did collect plenty eBooks, here is a list of the ones I will read this month:
Bessie Head – When Rain Clouds Gather

bell hooks – Feminism is for Everybody

Vanessa Fox – Marketing in the age of Google

2. Because I have done such little reading this year, I have decided that I will refrain from writing on the internet until I have disciplined myself to be a reader of many books. 

I will continue to read the work of all my favorite bloggers, and from magazines. 

I will watch the news and read newspapers – I’m so clueless about current affairs.

How unsexy is my mind right now?

3. I stared at my nude body in a mirror for hours everyday and promised all this sexiness that I would eat healthy and exercise regularly. I have cut fizzy drinks from my diet and I fell off my work-out routine.

I will begin a 30-day fitness challenge for the month of June. 

I will be consistent with my Meditation & Yoga practices.

I will sleep more.

4. I have decided that I’m a grown woman (let’s forget that I have no bills to pay, no children to support, no man to come home to) and that I should get a job. In the past I have been a waitress, a barmaid and have done odd jobs in sales. I QUIT ALL THAT! My grown self has decided that it is time for something which is challenging and relevant to my life’s career goals.

Wish me luck in this quest to grow up. 

Growing up is NOTHING like what my 8 year old self thought it would be.

5. I also told myself that this year I will get my driver’s license. I am currently able to move a car from point A to point B… As long as there are only 3 other cars on the road; 2 stop signs; traffic lights which will never turn Red & NO on-coming traffic. Basically, I can start the car and do the clutch versus accelerator balance thing. 

Don’t let me drive your car.

Do not let me drive your mother’s car.

The point is: number 5 has been moved to become 2015’s number 1.

That is all I have to say to you as I welcome the New (half)Year!

“It is never too late for a fresh start and you can always start afresh- It doesn’t matter how many times.” ~Lindelwa R

The Year 2014 (Part two)

Earlier this year I was sitting in the depths of my dark whole of self-pity (you can read about it here: The Year 2014) because I had failed to do what other people expected of me. It was a sad, sad time. I began to doubt my ability to impress and please other people – to hell with figuring out what I want, the people must be impressed. I had decided to shut down my brain and sit at home, emotionally eating (& thus, abandoning my quest toward a sexy beach body) and rotting my brain with nonsensical television programs.

It was after several conversations with my mentor and my genius friends (I was surprised that they could give such sound advice [sorry girls]) that I realized that I must begin the journey to discovering my purpose. That I should be working hard to impress Self.

To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others -Albert Camus

TO HELL WITH OTHER PEOPLE

Not that I want them to actually go to hell. Just that, they should suffer their own hell and I will leave myself out of it. I want to say what happened next is a coincidence but my reading about the occult world suggests that we use the word “coincidence” to express doubt in the ability of the Universe to answer our prayers. So, UN-coincidentally, the Universe, being the loving mother she is, sent to me a vessel (ok, it was a person. But vessel makes this journey sound deep & all) who would award me an opportunity to try something I want to, on my own terms.

Image

I followed the sign, how rude it would be to reject this gift from the Infinite Intelligence which exists beyond my comprehension. She would be disgusted to see me doubt her and would probably leave me to suffer at my own hand, to die before my body is left to the maggots 6ft under us.

I leave you with the wise words of Katherine Hepburn:

If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.