I spent two days sleeping and crying over a pain that will never go away. I can’t feel whole, I can’t feel like one complete version of me. I feel like there’s nothing, like I’m nothing but I’m here. I don’t get it. I only feel like myself when I’m crying.
It’s not fair.
If you knew me well enough you’d know that I’m a hopeless romantic who loves heartbreak & to break people. I want to fall out-of-love to feel sad so that I can write out my sadness in beautiful laments of lost love & emptiness.
I hate being happy because ever since I started to feel like this I’ve lost my ability to write poetry which brought me sad memories, but made me happy to read.
I want to be happily sad.
I want to have sadness to express.
I want to feel empty.
That empty feeling had so much inside of it. That empty feeling was a space me to find myself in.
Even if you know me well, you may have no idea how displeased I am with myself for being so happy & getting over my first and only heartbreak. You don’t know that I wish happiness didn’t feel so good & healthy so that I could write again.